Don't want to glove up? Check out our Birth Control Playlist!

While a usual day in the office does leave us all feeling like we want to cry from exhaustion, we do have our crazy moments, especially with our resident poet is set loose on the long list of random messages we receive. Yes, you’ve probably guessed this is going to go in a sexual direction, but don’t worry I wouldn’t lower the tone by talking about those frequent emails about how to engorge your member, this time it’s about music that puts you off the baby-making, for the pro-choice fans out there, the ultimate ‘BIRTH-CONTROL’ playlist. I’ve narrowed it down to ten contraceptive-inducing tracks that aim to prevent those little swimmers procreating the world. Listen to these if you don’t want bay-bies! (Warning: Not 100% Effective).

1. Adam Ant: Sex Apart from the blatant sex reference, this song is a bit of a mood killer. When you are getting down to business, only to have the new-romantic prince Adam Ant, blare out “S-EEXX” at you and the erotically visual lyrics “My body is an ocean of twisted white debris”, (about to explode?). Wow, definitely a turn on. My favourite part is the backing vocals whispering “virginity's no crime”, yet why does it sound like a threat to pillage young teens?

2. Jeff Buckley: Halleluiah So many of you may disagree with me and say “woah, it’s a beautiful cover”, which it is just that, but while bumping uglies? Apart from making one of you cry, and it’s really not gender specific, the over-whelming flood of tears usually isn’t helped by the unrequited love reminded by dear Jeff, yeah, great anti-sex song.

3. Liars: Broken Witch With the brilliant jutting percussion infusions with scratching guitar, this song almost sounds like a sacrificial dance for death of unborn babies, it’s menstruation time! Using lyrics “WE ARE THE ARMY YOU SEE THROUGH THE RED HAZE OF BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD”, I discovered Liars’ intention of this song as the perfect birth-control, by welcoming the “blooood” before you even get started with the making of the love! Hurrah!

4. Robots In Disguise: Sex Has Made Me Stupid When I listened to this track by the electro-Mighty Boosh girls, I’m sure that they are singing about raping a man, or so inebriated to know what’s going on. With lyrics like “Another act of aggression/I want you on the floor/Get down go”, after professing how sex has made you stupid, no amount of domination will get a partner going if you are just too stupid to do it.

5. Plan B: Charmaine Ok given that this British Eminem is clever when he recounts his narratives in some ways, getting horizontal while a man (other than your partner) is talking to you about his lovemaking is never sexy, especially when he retorts “Whilst kissing, yeah, she’s doing me properly”. This horny rap-star easily sucks the romance out of the situation, with his slang-terms and cheesy bass line, but its pinnacle moment is as Plan B finds out "blud, that girl’s fourteen!", easily scaring your lover away from climax, all in frightful wonderment about your actual age.

6. Flight of the Conchords: Business Time I don’t care that it’s a meant to be a comedic track, the duo brilliantly beat reality of couples sex into your mind switching off any romantic notions you may endeavour. This time listening to this song will get you both into giggles and definitely more of a fun birth-control track!

7. Metronomy: You Could Easily Have Me A slightly off-putting number, Metronomy's title immediately brands any partner as a bone-jumping nymphomaniac and when the music kicks in, the assaulting electronics blare in the background disrupting any of your passionate rhythms. This track could scare off prospective babies, yet possibly not the most effective birth-control for teenagers who are happy to listen to screaming electro and drown out thoughts of parents listening outside the door.

8. Talking Heads: Making Flippy Floppy Wow I love you Talking Heads. With a title (twisted for my benefit) about summoning male impotence, this is one way enjoy sex for a fleeting un-climaxing moment. While some of you may curse the badgering interpretation of this song, you just have to see the lyrics “Nothing strikes your fancy/Nothing turns you on”, reminding any listener ready to get porkin’ the ultimate pressure of actually knowing what will turn your lover on. Ha!

9. Joy Division: Love Will Tear Us Apart I think I’ve nailed it with this one, (woo pun time!), with the ominous title a tricky and literal way to stop pregnancy, the harsh lyrics of melancholic betrayal soon become etched on your mind about how love, relationships and sex can all fail: “Do you cry out in your sleep/All my failings expose?/Get a taste in my mouth/As desperation takes hold”. But, don’t let me sway you, if you enjoy hate-sex and up-the-duff repercussions keep listening to Ian Curtis’ fertile voice.

10. The Raveonettes: Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed) Of course our Band of The Month gets a feature in this contraceptive playlist! Unless you are a Whoopi Goldberg fan of her definitions of rape, the real kind being “rape-rape”, you probably won’t want to get down and dirty to the bittersweet threats of this Raveonettes song if you have any doubt that your partner might not be willing. Plus, if you are doing the old “rape-rape”, Raveonettes (and society) will hunt you down!